It is 7:30 on a Friday night when I finally get around to writing up a post to announce my photos that the amazing Ashley Jackson took of me a few weeks back (I did a live video in my VIP Group, you might remember).
But I am stuck.
I don't know what to tell you that feels authentic.
I want to sit here and tell you that my boudoir shoot was so fun (it was!) and it was so empowering (it was!) but I just feel like that isn't the full story.
You see, I have been feeling the weight of the world lately. I feel pressure from so many different places pushing in on me all at once and it has become almost debilitating, dare I say, castrating. At the end of the day, what I have left is barely recognizable as me (or at least, that's how I feel). Amidst all the diapers and paperwork, I can't help but wonder: Am I still in there?
Don't get me wrong, I have a great life and a great family whom I wouldn't trade for the world however, is it so wrong to want a part of me to be separate from that? Fuck, I feel awful just saying that. Que the mommy-guilt.
My boudoir shoot with Ashley came out of the blue, she was in town and it was the perfect opportunity to meet my virtual bestie (we found each other through Facebook and Instagram!). Prepping for a boudoir shoot is a lot like getting ready for a date that is guaranteed to get you laid. There's the outfit, the makeup, the leg shaving, the vagina waxing - its a whole thing. I also wanted to support my friend. But I wasn't prepared for the moment afterwards that hit me like a ton of bricks.
I was driving home after the shoot, my makeup looked amazing (thanks to Kalene)
and I FELT amazing! I felt lighter, sexier, edgier, inspired, more...me.
It took looking at the photos for me to see that yes, I am still a woman and tapping into that makes me a better person. The more ME I feel, the more I can give to those I love.
In short, thanks Ashley for helping me tap into "me" again. Much love, xoxo.
Please head on over to www.instagram.com/ashleyjacksonboudoir and give my girl some love!
